I am someone's godmother
So,
I am the godparent of a my niece. She is about 6 months old, and lives in Boston. She is the daughter of my perfect sister-in-law, and I am quite honored to have been asked. It was a very nice service. I have to say that I agonized what to wear as she is one of those people who are always dressed perfectly, hair done perfectly, parents perfectly, and everything else. But she is also very nice, which makes hating that she is so perfect tough to do.
She (sister-inlaw) has two perfect parents, and two well educated and perfect brothers. Did I tell you that she has her MBA from Bowdoin College? Well she does. She even knows how to prepare for rain as she has the most perfect rain hat and matching coat. I will not even talk to you about her shoe and clothing collection which is extensive, and very expensive. I know that I should not be so envious... but since I buy my clothes mostly at Old Navy, or where ever is cheap, it is hard not to compare. Did I mention that she has perfect teeth, has traveled extensively Japan, Europe, Africa, and most every country, and that she did some time in the peace corp? I have to say that I always seem to be looking for flaws in this chick to make her more human, and have spent time searching for those Ah.. Ha... moments... but cannot find anything. The girl is also a financial wizard, works in an exclusive broker house in Boston, and makes probably 3 times what I do. And she balances her checkbook, has a stock portfolio, and has paid off all her college loans? Did I say that she has a hefty savings account? Did I mention that she lost most of her baby weight shortly after giving birth to her second child, and that she looks fabulous? And the girl is popular to boot. She has a lot of really great girlfriends.
Have I told you yet that they have a waterfront condo in Boston, and a second home in the White mountains? And they drive a very nice car (my car has some plastic thing hanging from the bottom and it has been making noises). How do I compare to all of this? This is one of the battles I find myself in, and tend to not want to spend too much time with her because I feel so different and imperfect next to her.
After three surgeries on my abdomen... my body looks like someone ran it over, came back, and then ran it over again. And you all know my family history... so we are like opposites... in every way. I am always conscious about the way I look, act, and talk when I am around her.
So the big question is how do I come to peace with this battle? How do I finally let it rest, and begin to enjoy the person my sister-in-law is?
Comments
my only advice/encouragement...
another person's glory does not diminish your own.
try to avoid the demon of comparison. you are a beautiful person for who you are. nothing she does or is diminishes that!
Chances are that you see everything perfect in her life, but that's not how she looks at her life. And if she does, good for her. She's the rarest of the rare among us. Just be happy for her and don't worry about comparing, NONE of the rest of us have a life like she does.
I can tell you that it's amazing what you've accomplished, but you'll still compare. Especially when times are tougher, it always looks easier for someone else. Right now, I envy just about everyone. I'm poor, I feel like crap, I look like crap, I have a sick dog, and all I want to do is sleep. So, to me, YOUR life looks good. ;) The grass is always greener, eh?
Everyone is flawed, and the standards by which you measure your own flaws are most likely not the standards by which she measures hers- deep inside of that perfect life and perfect everything may be something small and dark and putrid that is just covered over with that perfect veneer. But, even if it is not, imagine the fact that this "perfect" woman has chosen you to be her child's protector and spiritual guardian! What an incredible honor! Somewhere deep inside all of your imperfections there lies something so precious and rare that it has attracted such a sacred trust. Set aside everything else, and focus on that a while!
There's nothing I can say about this that hasn't already been said. You have some really good advice here.
I wish I could show you how wonderfully amazing you are, though. YOU'RE a survivor. You're an inspiration in ways you don't even know. Until you start elevating yourself, you'll always feel bad around her. The most important love you'll ever have in your life (besides Gods) is the love you have for yourself. I know what I WANT to say to you but I can't find the words... I wish you can see "you" through my eyes! (((hugs)))
Secret... Thanks for those thoughts I have to keep repeating them to myself...
Flippy... you have known me longer than everyone, and you know that I have been battling this issue. I should just talk to her a bit about this. I know. I know.
Clipped... I know I should be proud that she chose me to be the godmother. I am very excited and honored to have been chosen.
Shell... Thanks for the nice words. I have to keep saying them to myself.
Appearances mean very little when it comes right down to who people are. I'd say this: accept yourself, accept her, accept that your lives are different on the surface, and then just take the time to get to know the person she is underneath the trappings. Let her do the same. You may find that you have a lot in common in ways that count.
Oh Honey.
Perfectionism is its own curse. Being "blessed" in a way that we are not or never will be is another story, on the other hand, and one that we won't talk about here because we are interested in your struggle and not figuring out why she got her lot in life and we got something all-together different.
Character is molded and made through adversity (sorry, I didn't make this universal rule, Someone else did). Character will never go out of style, or shrink depending on the stock market, or ever perish...even when you do. Character is for eternity...and that is really what the One Who Loves Us is truly interested in.
And I could stand to follow that advice, too. We are too hard on ourselves!
"She sounds boring. :)" Ok, that made me laugh. She really doesn't - she sounds nice, but damn, that was funny.
i have a big battle with jealousy, as I am "never good enough for myself", so i always find something better about the other person so I can use it to beat myself up.
Good luck!! Miss Perfect might like laughing about having big hair in highschool, or might like making fun of herself. You never know!